The Power and the Lightness of being a Woman

                                 The  Power and the Lightness of being a Woman

The concept of Ardhanareeswara in Hindu religion dates back to the first century B.C representing the synthesis of masculine and feminine energies of the universe (Purusha and Prakriti).  It also shows how Shakti, the female principle is intertwined with the male principle, Shiva. In the Hindu belief, everything in this universe originates from this synthesis and the two are inseparable.

In Christian faith, Mother Mary, the mother of Jesus and known  as Virgin Mary symbolizes  faithfulness, devotion, humility, purity exemplified in her virginal love for God the Father, her maternal love for her son Jesus, and her compassionate love for all people.

The Holy Quran, the central religious text of Islam says, “Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them” (Quran 2.187). The implications are man and woman are garments to each other and therefore have equal status. They complete and complement each other - each one takes on a new aspect of their common humanity and thereby adds a new depth and dimension to his and her personality.

In traditional Judaism, women are for the most part seen as separate but equal. Women's obligations and responsibilities are different from men's, but no less important. The equality of men and women begins at the highest possible level: God in Judaism, unlike in traditional Christianity, has never been viewed as exclusively male. Judaism has always maintained that God has both masculine and feminine qualities.

The above extracts from four major religions of the world formed the central tenet of ancient tradition to recognize and appreciate the complementarities and equality of men and women in society. It is strange and defies logic when we see today a lot of Gender polemics with heated discussions on Gender Rights and Gender parity denied to women who constitute one half of the population. The emergence of “ Me –too hash tag” that started in US in October 2017 and has since spread all over the world  including India, has brought to the fore the sexual harassment of women in their professional work places, not to speak of the domestic violence inflicted on them. The daily reports of rape- as lethal and fatal as Nirbhaya -go beyond sexual harassment to tell a tale of masculine brutality and violence. Juvenile crimes against young girls are worrisome and disturbing. Not a day passes without a mention of extreme provocation aimed at women by men of all age groups.

In India, the last 2000 years since the celebrated Kushan period of the first century B.C(when the concept of Ardhanarreswara took root), have seen an opprobrious decline of manly values that were earlier founded on the principles of liberalism, democracy and human rights. The traditional manly values that have been identified since the early days are “prudence (doing the right thing at the right time); courage (required to take risks), temperance (self-limitation of the passions) and justice (equality under the law for all)”. All these values have since been turned on their head as freedom is today interpreted as unrestricted license to live without any limits imposed -a far cry from Rousseau’s famous statement, “Man is born free; he is forever in chains”; courage is seen as machismo, an exaggerated sense of masculinity that places great value on physical courage, virility, domination of women, and aggressiveness; temperance is replaced by hedonism and justice has become nothing more than a veneer of equality.

Given this state, the disturbing question is how to create a society that ensures freedom, equality and security to all – in particular to women who are today regarded as subordinate sex or second sex in our male dominated society holding on to a system of  patriarchal  rule. The current arbitrary classification of society as patriarchal and matriarchal, has led to the collapse of all human values of equity, equality, liberty, justice and humanity.  Is it possible once again to embrace feminine values to bring about the synergy of masculine and feminine power and establish equality between men and women? If the society is conceptualized as a triangle with a broad base and its two sides deemed as men and women, the apex becomes the meeting point of the two sides. The scriptures’ conception of society in the early days was structured on the pattern of an isosceles triangle where the two sides are equal and whose interior angles inclined to the base are also equal. But today’s society is structured more like a right triangle with the hypotenuse, longer than the base and the other side,  and its incline of 90⁰ is more than the sum of the  other two angles of the triangle.  The tension, imbalance and skewed gender bias is because of the extra length and angular incline given to the hypotenuse.  We have to revert to the isosceles pattern to re-establish an equal and just society.

This, prima facie requires acceptance of feminine values as equal to the male values and equally intrinsic to a humane and civilized society. What are the feminine values? How different are they from the masculine values? Are they so divergent that the two cannot and will not meet? Is it valid to privilege one set of values over the other? It is evident that the two sets of values are different but complementary. They are like two sides of the same coin. Feminine values are thoughtfulness, intuition, patience, compassion, and empathy. They also include maternal love, devotion, commitment and humility. These values have been wrongly labeled as soft virtues in contrast to the tough and strident manly virtues of heroism, courage, swiftness, aggression and violence. But both values are needed in society. Heroism without intuition, courage without thoughtfulness, aggression without compassion, swiftness without patience and violence without empathy results in the decline, evenness and balance of society. The manly virtues have the force of protection and defence while the feminine virtues have the force of sustenance and nourishment. The two have to be harnessed together to get our society back on its wheels.

Women by nature are genetically wired to be patient, kind and considerate. They are not endowed with physical strength adequate to handle difficult situation. As the Bible says “A soft answer turns away wrath”, women have the power to douse a fire. They have the patience and sensitivity to act with peaceful diplomacy when the vital interests of the state are challenged. This does not in any way show them to be weak or less courageous, for whenever there is the need to combat, they do not hesitate. History is replete with courageous acts of women who have won wars. In the ‘70s of the century gone by, India’s Indira Gandhi and Israel’s Golda Meir have proved that they can be a force both during peace times and wartimes. Indira Gandhi’s strength and action in standing up to President Nixon during the victorious Bangladesh liberation war and her magnanimity in returning the 93,000 Pakistan soldiers who had surrendered to go back home, unharmed  and unscathed is proof of what women can achieve through a blend of courage and clemency, humanity and forbearance. Similarly Golda Meir emerged as a forceful spokesman for the Zionist cause in negotiating with the British mandatory authorities. Even after Israel won the six days war against Egypt, Jordan and Syria, she  pressed for a peace settlement in the Middle East by diplomatic means.

But the important thing to note is neither Indira Gandhi nor Golda Meir could have accomplished victory without the support of the army. Under Field Marshal Sam Manekshaw, India won both the 1965 and 1971 wars against Pakistan. It was the combination of feminine power of firmness and humanity of Indira Gandhi and the masculine power of bravery and courage of Sam Bahadur Manekshaw that gave India both a moral and military victory in the 1971 war.

Our scriptures quoted above have stressed on the synergy between the female and the male power in the service of humanity. India has constantly marched towards such a synthesis, but its progress more often than not has got derailed by the aggression and demonic male forces especially in the last few decades. The media coverage of these ugly incidents involving male brutishness against innocent women has increasingly revealed  the outrageous happenings in our society though the judiciary with its low and delayed rate of conviction of the rapists, the  police with its refusal to register complaints of sexual harassment and the law enforcers’ inability to catch and punish these  dregs of the society have made all of us hapless witnesses to the horrid and ghastly happenings all around. It is distressing and painful to learn about young adolescents and even younger teens indulging in sexual assault and sexual abuse. This new breed of sexual predators has been greatly influenced by cinema that gives them a distorted vision of masculine virility in such sexcapades. 

What we need is not just law enforcers as much as trusted and wise mentors who can educate our young adolescents into understanding the physiology, psychology and social dimensions of sex. While home plays an important part in the bringing up of our young men and women, schools have a much greater role to play. To start with, there should be mixed schools and not separate boys and separate girls’ schools. Boys and girls should grow together and should learn to appreciate and respect each other. It is time to give up our squeamishness about teen age crush. It is normal for any growing young man and woman to get attracted to the opposite sex but they have to be taught to understand the problems of sexual union and the need thereof to practice self control and restraint. How to achieve this which sounds easy to read and listen to?  How to mould young minds that are under the influence of drugs, films, porn videos and sex abusive contents on the Net?

It may seem incongruous to discuss the measures to be adopted in an article highlighting the female virtues. But I have given myself the indulgence to spell out possible measures to combat sexual predation among young boys and young male adults. The universal problem plaguing the young minds is the TINA problem. There is nothing in schools and colleges to engage his mind and attention. Classrooms are dreary, teaching is pedestrian, examinations are farcical. If the mind is not engaged at the tender age to learn and find avenues to satisfy its curiosity, it runs after things that excite it erotically. Teachers complain that students are not interested. Parents complain that children don’t respect their advice. We are a notorious generation of whiners and snivelers. No one addresses the questions how to engage young minds in a constructive way. The early years –what we term as Brahmacharya- are the years for learning discipline. The brahmacharya (bachelor student) stage of one's life as conceived in our philosophy is up to 25 years of age. It is the period to focus on education and learning and imbibe the practice of celibacy. In this context, it connotes chastity during the student stage of life for the purposes of engaging the mind in learning without any distraction. In another context, brahmacharya represents a virtuous lifestyle that also includes simple living, meditation and other behaviors. It is the duty of the family as well as that of the school to teach the young boys that only by respecting women, you become human. Catch them young, teach them the art of self discipline, train them to respect the opposite sex as worthy of dignity and esteem.  To quote Santayana: “Our dignity is not in what we do, but in what we understand”

While the article sounds like a homily on manly conduct, it is important to note that women have to share the blame for their present state of unfair treatment, harassment and discrimination at home and in professional places. They have to learn and esteem  the value of their potential , their innate strength and rise up to change their victim status. No point in asking others to change, if change does not come from within. Let them not beg and fight for inclusion; let them set their bar far higher by discovering their potential.  If they want parity, they must show that they are a valued and necessary part of success. It is important to identify the problems facing them, but while that is the first and the most essential part to chart a path towards gaining dignity and self esteem, they have to prove that they are no less than their male counterparts. Let women remember gaining dignity is not by constantly complaining, whining and demanding, but by making their worth centrestage for others to give them dignity. Milan Kundera’s famous quite is worth keeping in mind: “Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo.” Do women  give up aiming for a higher goal or do they defy and conquer vertigo without compromising the goal they  strive for? Their claim to dignity lies in the choice they make.

Why cant we learn to live like Kallu?

The canine sense of fairness is indisputable. They know their territorial rights and guard them well. There can be no intruder- biped or quadruped-in the area they claim to have legitimate proprietorship. It is astounding that just with their bark (probably they know barking dogs don’t bite), they hound all those who dare to step into their territory. They don’t need any weapons since they have the lung power to let out their arsenal.

Kallu has taken proprietorship of the space in front of the ground floor while we live above on the first. He is rich black and at night you cannot distinguish him from the black of the night. You can only hear his presence. If you are an audile person (the word is used as a psychological term to denote a person who possesses a faculty for auditory imagery that is more distinct than his visual or other imagery) you will recognize how well his barks are nuanced to express a variety of his moods- of ferocity, of a deep sense of hurt, of his friendship and loyalty for the hands that feed him and of his grumpiness when left behind all alone in his mighty little kingdom. If your ears are well tuned to his bark, you can easily guess if an intruder or a cat or one of his own species  has entered your precincts or if a monkey has sauntered atop your parked car or if a friend whom he has seen and accepted as his master’s friend is at your doorstep.

Unfortunately Kallu has no royal pedigree to boast. Where he came from, who were his parents, where have gone his siblings- are million dollar questions that are beyond anyone’s knowledge. Suffice it to say, Kallu has a smooth silky skin and handsome looks as though he hails from an aristocratic lineage. Just put a red ribbon around his neck – that is enough to confirm his pedigree.  Whenever I see the bright, black, aristocratic Kallu coming from nowhere, I am reminded of the famous song by the Tamil poet Bharatiyar, “ Engiruntho Vandan”  

He came from somewhere, he came from somewhere

He obeys orders, he protects my family

I see my affection growing

The goodness I receive from him

Cannot be spoken without an end.

Kallu does not belong to us. He has accepted us as his neighbour. When I get down the stairs, he is there to greet me .He stretches his front paws as though he is doing a ‘Shahtanga  Namaskar’ ( a symbol of complete submission) and then walks with me till the end of the gate to see me off. His pride and regality are infectious. I am filled with pride that someone walks with me as my commando though his jurisdiction stops at the gate.

Kallu is typical of many of his species including the many lesser species who are not blessed with Kallu’s good looks. But all of them are one in their unstinted love and devotion to their master or mistress so long as you don’t trespass into the territory they have demarcated for themselves. So it is with Kallu-any infringement on his territory- as trivial as picking up a speck of dust- is enough to provoke him. Otherwise, you go your way, you do what you want- even if you hug a pup that has come home,  it is of no concern for Kallu. Everyone is his friend so long as that friend keeps to his territory.

After receiving his daily salute and namaskar and I walked towards the metro station, I realized how foolish we humans are fighting with each other because we want everyone  to follow what we claim to be our way of life. Human beings have grouped themselves into hermetic confines of different nationalism and want everyone to follow what they profess and practice. The uniformity that human beings want to impose on fellow humans conflicts with the existent diversity that makes the world. Imposition is penal in intent as it is closely twined with majoritarianism that is hoisted by authoritarianism. The violence emanating from IS and other Jihadi groups is the most terrorizing and de-humanising form of imposition. Territorial challenges in the Gaza border, Doklam,  Kashmir, Korea and in a host of other borders between nations arise out of human inability to give others their space to live, breathe, eat, worship and attend to their own needs. Why can’t we follow the canine species- to each to his territory and follow what each believes in? Why can’t we remain happy in what we believe to be good rather than expect everyone to be a copycat version of ourselves. Let us remain happy where we are and let us leave others to find their own kind of happiness wherever they are.

Unfortunately today, India known for its tolerance and acceptance of diversity, has acquired a pejorative title “banistan’ for we are constantly at the game of banning  one thing or the other in the name of imposing uniformity in taste, culture, habit, custom, wont, practice, dress, and last but the most important, religious faith and associated rituals. We have forgotten the simple truth “Variety is the spice of life.”  While Marcel Proust wrote “The regularity of a habit is generally in proportion to its absurdity", his successor cum disciple, Samuel Beckett had this succinct one liner:”Habit is a great deadener”. All that is left of life today is ennui and boredom resulting from repetition of actions that we believe should not be tampered with. How boring it is to eat the same food day in and day out! How dull and dreary to read books of one kind? How deadening it is to do the same tasks every day? In Homer’s words, later echoed by Shakespeare,”How tedious is life as a twice-told tale?”

Recent pronouncements in UP about banning Christmas celebrations by Hindus is not only disturbing; it is destroying the human spirit that seeks variety and colour that add zing to  our mundane existence. If Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau ,sporting Indian attire enjoy  lighting a lamp at Diwali celebrations, why does  India look inwards and refuse to celebrate Christmas with gaiety? Does practice of Hinduism prohibit Hindus from celebrating the birth of Christ who is revered as the Son of God by Christians? Religion does not have a territory other than the world we live in. It signifies a practice of faith in a god of one’s choice. It can be Ram or Rahim, Shiva or Jehova, Madhav or Allah. “There is only one God. Endless are his aspects and endless are his names”. So long as one has his strong roots in the religion he is born into, he has no right to deny his neigbour the right to follow the faith of his choice. It is true vice versa. If our world is to survive as the people’s planet, it is important to accept to live and let live. Otherwise it is the beginning of the end of the world.

In imitation of professor Higgins who asked ‘why can’t the English learn to speak English?’ let us ask ourselves ‘why cant we learn to live like Kallu?’

There is a Time for Everything…

                                                 There is a Time for Everything…                    

There was a time when the nine o’ clock evening news bulletin on All India Radio was the most awaited event of the day, before retiring to bed.  The bulletin used to be  for 15 minutes with  ace newsreaders like Melville de Mellow, Lotika Ratnam, Shurjit Sen, Nobby Clarke, Manoranjan Bharati and Preminda Premchand, giving news  to the nation with a sense of mission. “This is All India Radio”- these five words were hugely credible to affirm that this is the voice of the State discharging its duty, giving the nation truthful facts. The newsreaders made no off the cuff remarks. They were aware that the nation wanted to know from them factual truth and they gave it without offering their subjective comments in high pitched hysteria. The News that one heard on AIR - good news or sad news- was credible, authentic, reassuring, restoring confidence, but not disturbing and unsettling.

This was before the arrival of Doordarshan that lured the audience away from Radio by virtue of its visual input to complement the audio news. Doordarshan like AIR began with its objective to broadcast factual news but gradually it became the voice of the government in power. Nevertheless one could still turn to DD for authentic news without any frills.  But with the arrival of private TV channels in the post Liberalization era, both DD and AIR lost their monopoly and slowly lost their importance with the news hungry audience. AIR was the greater loser though to be fair and honest, AIR News continued(and continues) to be the most trustworthy to listen to.  In the last few years, Doordarshan that had eclipsed AIR news had to change its format to include debates and discussions as a part of its news broadcast and could no longer limit itself to offer information about events of the day.  The going is tough for broadcast news as it has to compete with  107 private Channels offering news that has gone beyond information to comment, describe and sensationalize the events that had happened.

Today News analysis has now become a part of the News bulletin. There is nothing wrong so long as news is given about the major and significant happenings in the country and in the world. But the News channels decide what news to give and what not, depending upon the status of the newsmaker-such as the Prime Minister or a visiting dignitary or a popular politician or a cine star or a social celebrity or a sports star. Of late, the control of the news channels by the Ministry of I&B has become the deciding factor in the selection of news items to be broadcast. Those who want news of the day about the nation and the world will have to peer through the scroll at the bottom of the TV screen, a luxury denied to Radio News.

Well, nothing wrong in debates and discussions overarching the news.  Times have changed and one should not long for the old form of news and nothing but news. In this fast moving twitter age, all information is twittered for everyone to have ready access. No one seems to have the time and the patience to sit and read and analyze topics. The age of reading is almost gone. The age of print media is on the decline except for old die-hards. It is far easier to listen to the TV debates and follow the opinions of the debaters than strain one’s brains to arrive at an informed view. The TV debates are the new quick fix substitutes for news analyses, as our thinking faculties are on an extended holiday. In fact the twitter culture has overtaken us and rendered us impersonal.  The twitter messages of condolence, good wishes , and congratulations has made them all impersonal as they are shared by all and the message is  no more meant exclusively for the one on a one-to-one personal level. If Amitabh Bachhan twitters congratulations to  Virat Kohli and Anushka, it is  not sent only to the couple but it is viewed by all others. Even if If you are not a Twitterati, still you get to read the message from the media. Similarly twitter abuse and twitter comment give the pseudo satisfaction of be knowledgeable without knowing.

The level of the TV debates has touched a new low in the last three years. There is no trace of civility as the debaters try to grab attention to what they say and not hear what others say. On some channels, the decibel levels are so high to instill fears of rupture of the ear drum. The anchor wanting to keep his job intact, follows the ideology of his channel boss and in his excitement to be his master’s voice, harangues the debators who do not toe the channel’s line. He turns caustic, vituperative and insulting towards those who are not on the side of establishment( as most channel bosses today are pro establishment). It is like a boxing ring with punches delivered only by the anchor and the spokespersons of the establishment whereas all the counterpunches from the opposition are either muted or lost in the din. As students, we have been trained in schools and colleges not to raise our voice during a debate, not to heap insult on one’s opponent, silently listen to the arguments of other debaters and employ civil and courteous language even when there is a high degree of difference of opinion. But today it is different. Civility, thy name is forgotten.

The low level of TV discourse is an offshoot of low level discourse engaged in by politicians from public platform. The politicians have literally lived true to the old adage to stoop low to conquer. It is sad that those known for their oratory power and communicative skills have made use of invectives, half truths and falsehoods against men who have devoted long years of distinguished service to the nation with unimpeachable honesty and commitment. The party spokespersons have been so emboldened by their political masters that with a glint of mockery in their eyes, they revile and ridicule their opponents, at times hitting below their belts.  It was hilarious when an announcement was made by the top echelons of the ruling party that no one from their party should call Rahul Gandhi “Pappu”- something similar to the story where a man asks his neighbour whether he has stopped beating his wife.

Political speeches are bereft of decent language and the means to success is to spread wild charges and accusations, invoke pity for an alleged insult of caste slur, bruising not only one’s personal ego, but also that of the entire community to which s/he belongs. What a pity that Gujarat, the land of Mahatma Gandhi, the preceptor and practitioner of truth, of Sardar Patel, the iron man with a commitment to the idea of one India and representing the democratic and plural spirit of the nation, of Morarji Desai, who stood by his convictions to act in life  “according to truth and one's faith" has now witnessed the most acrimonious, bitter and spiteful campaign in the history of democratic India.    

Gujarat elections are the recent ones, but there has been a continuous erosion of civil language in our daily discourse. There is something terribly wrong with our social and political culture inebriated by noise and aggression, hatred and loathing, intolerance and repugnance. Language has lost its purity, its pristine quality. It is not that we have forgotten the art of civil discourse; it is simply we have not learnt it. Universities which at one time prided itself as a bastion of true culture and civilization have failed to inculcate in the students the discipline needed to articulate in chaste and correct language. Even the articulation of  the faculty members leaves much to be desired. What we see is the use of language in which the emptiness of ideas is charged with hysterical emotion. George Steiner had warned the demise of language sixty years ago when he wrote: “ When a language dies, a way of understanding the world dies with it, a way of looking at the world.” Can universities, academics, learned men and women, intellectuals and cultural purists bring back the art of civility and correctness in our words and actions by encouraging young students to take to reading good books? Can the Universities and colleges start a Good Book series to give them a peep into the world of books? Books alone have the quality to wager against the current assault on culture and refinement, polish and gentility, urbanity and good taste.

Gujarat Elections are over. There will be a brief respite from election battles. Now is the time to get back to books, time to read and time to learn,  time to mend  and time to heal, time to speak and time to be silent,  time to end hostility, and time for peace, time to start a new age civilization and culture.