The Power and the Lightness of being a Woman

                                 The  Power and the Lightness of being a Woman

The concept of Ardhanareeswara in Hindu religion dates back to the first century B.C representing the synthesis of masculine and feminine energies of the universe (Purusha and Prakriti).  It also shows how Shakti, the female principle is intertwined with the male principle, Shiva. In the Hindu belief, everything in this universe originates from this synthesis and the two are inseparable.

In Christian faith, Mother Mary, the mother of Jesus and known  as Virgin Mary symbolizes  faithfulness, devotion, humility, purity exemplified in her virginal love for God the Father, her maternal love for her son Jesus, and her compassionate love for all people.

The Holy Quran, the central religious text of Islam says, “Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them” (Quran 2.187). The implications are man and woman are garments to each other and therefore have equal status. They complete and complement each other - each one takes on a new aspect of their common humanity and thereby adds a new depth and dimension to his and her personality.

In traditional Judaism, women are for the most part seen as separate but equal. Women's obligations and responsibilities are different from men's, but no less important. The equality of men and women begins at the highest possible level: God in Judaism, unlike in traditional Christianity, has never been viewed as exclusively male. Judaism has always maintained that God has both masculine and feminine qualities.

The above extracts from four major religions of the world formed the central tenet of ancient tradition to recognize and appreciate the complementarities and equality of men and women in society. It is strange and defies logic when we see today a lot of Gender polemics with heated discussions on Gender Rights and Gender parity denied to women who constitute one half of the population. The emergence of “ Me –too hash tag” that started in US in October 2017 and has since spread all over the world  including India, has brought to the fore the sexual harassment of women in their professional work places, not to speak of the domestic violence inflicted on them. The daily reports of rape- as lethal and fatal as Nirbhaya -go beyond sexual harassment to tell a tale of masculine brutality and violence. Juvenile crimes against young girls are worrisome and disturbing. Not a day passes without a mention of extreme provocation aimed at women by men of all age groups.

In India, the last 2000 years since the celebrated Kushan period of the first century B.C(when the concept of Ardhanarreswara took root), have seen an opprobrious decline of manly values that were earlier founded on the principles of liberalism, democracy and human rights. The traditional manly values that have been identified since the early days are “prudence (doing the right thing at the right time); courage (required to take risks), temperance (self-limitation of the passions) and justice (equality under the law for all)”. All these values have since been turned on their head as freedom is today interpreted as unrestricted license to live without any limits imposed -a far cry from Rousseau’s famous statement, “Man is born free; he is forever in chains”; courage is seen as machismo, an exaggerated sense of masculinity that places great value on physical courage, virility, domination of women, and aggressiveness; temperance is replaced by hedonism and justice has become nothing more than a veneer of equality.

Given this state, the disturbing question is how to create a society that ensures freedom, equality and security to all – in particular to women who are today regarded as subordinate sex or second sex in our male dominated society holding on to a system of  patriarchal  rule. The current arbitrary classification of society as patriarchal and matriarchal, has led to the collapse of all human values of equity, equality, liberty, justice and humanity.  Is it possible once again to embrace feminine values to bring about the synergy of masculine and feminine power and establish equality between men and women? If the society is conceptualized as a triangle with a broad base and its two sides deemed as men and women, the apex becomes the meeting point of the two sides. The scriptures’ conception of society in the early days was structured on the pattern of an isosceles triangle where the two sides are equal and whose interior angles inclined to the base are also equal. But today’s society is structured more like a right triangle with the hypotenuse, longer than the base and the other side,  and its incline of 90⁰ is more than the sum of the  other two angles of the triangle.  The tension, imbalance and skewed gender bias is because of the extra length and angular incline given to the hypotenuse.  We have to revert to the isosceles pattern to re-establish an equal and just society.

This, prima facie requires acceptance of feminine values as equal to the male values and equally intrinsic to a humane and civilized society. What are the feminine values? How different are they from the masculine values? Are they so divergent that the two cannot and will not meet? Is it valid to privilege one set of values over the other? It is evident that the two sets of values are different but complementary. They are like two sides of the same coin. Feminine values are thoughtfulness, intuition, patience, compassion, and empathy. They also include maternal love, devotion, commitment and humility. These values have been wrongly labeled as soft virtues in contrast to the tough and strident manly virtues of heroism, courage, swiftness, aggression and violence. But both values are needed in society. Heroism without intuition, courage without thoughtfulness, aggression without compassion, swiftness without patience and violence without empathy results in the decline, evenness and balance of society. The manly virtues have the force of protection and defence while the feminine virtues have the force of sustenance and nourishment. The two have to be harnessed together to get our society back on its wheels.

Women by nature are genetically wired to be patient, kind and considerate. They are not endowed with physical strength adequate to handle difficult situation. As the Bible says “A soft answer turns away wrath”, women have the power to douse a fire. They have the patience and sensitivity to act with peaceful diplomacy when the vital interests of the state are challenged. This does not in any way show them to be weak or less courageous, for whenever there is the need to combat, they do not hesitate. History is replete with courageous acts of women who have won wars. In the ‘70s of the century gone by, India’s Indira Gandhi and Israel’s Golda Meir have proved that they can be a force both during peace times and wartimes. Indira Gandhi’s strength and action in standing up to President Nixon during the victorious Bangladesh liberation war and her magnanimity in returning the 93,000 Pakistan soldiers who had surrendered to go back home, unharmed  and unscathed is proof of what women can achieve through a blend of courage and clemency, humanity and forbearance. Similarly Golda Meir emerged as a forceful spokesman for the Zionist cause in negotiating with the British mandatory authorities. Even after Israel won the six days war against Egypt, Jordan and Syria, she  pressed for a peace settlement in the Middle East by diplomatic means.

But the important thing to note is neither Indira Gandhi nor Golda Meir could have accomplished victory without the support of the army. Under Field Marshal Sam Manekshaw, India won both the 1965 and 1971 wars against Pakistan. It was the combination of feminine power of firmness and humanity of Indira Gandhi and the masculine power of bravery and courage of Sam Bahadur Manekshaw that gave India both a moral and military victory in the 1971 war.

Our scriptures quoted above have stressed on the synergy between the female and the male power in the service of humanity. India has constantly marched towards such a synthesis, but its progress more often than not has got derailed by the aggression and demonic male forces especially in the last few decades. The media coverage of these ugly incidents involving male brutishness against innocent women has increasingly revealed  the outrageous happenings in our society though the judiciary with its low and delayed rate of conviction of the rapists, the  police with its refusal to register complaints of sexual harassment and the law enforcers’ inability to catch and punish these  dregs of the society have made all of us hapless witnesses to the horrid and ghastly happenings all around. It is distressing and painful to learn about young adolescents and even younger teens indulging in sexual assault and sexual abuse. This new breed of sexual predators has been greatly influenced by cinema that gives them a distorted vision of masculine virility in such sexcapades. 

What we need is not just law enforcers as much as trusted and wise mentors who can educate our young adolescents into understanding the physiology, psychology and social dimensions of sex. While home plays an important part in the bringing up of our young men and women, schools have a much greater role to play. To start with, there should be mixed schools and not separate boys and separate girls’ schools. Boys and girls should grow together and should learn to appreciate and respect each other. It is time to give up our squeamishness about teen age crush. It is normal for any growing young man and woman to get attracted to the opposite sex but they have to be taught to understand the problems of sexual union and the need thereof to practice self control and restraint. How to achieve this which sounds easy to read and listen to?  How to mould young minds that are under the influence of drugs, films, porn videos and sex abusive contents on the Net?

It may seem incongruous to discuss the measures to be adopted in an article highlighting the female virtues. But I have given myself the indulgence to spell out possible measures to combat sexual predation among young boys and young male adults. The universal problem plaguing the young minds is the TINA problem. There is nothing in schools and colleges to engage his mind and attention. Classrooms are dreary, teaching is pedestrian, examinations are farcical. If the mind is not engaged at the tender age to learn and find avenues to satisfy its curiosity, it runs after things that excite it erotically. Teachers complain that students are not interested. Parents complain that children don’t respect their advice. We are a notorious generation of whiners and snivelers. No one addresses the questions how to engage young minds in a constructive way. The early years –what we term as Brahmacharya- are the years for learning discipline. The brahmacharya (bachelor student) stage of one's life as conceived in our philosophy is up to 25 years of age. It is the period to focus on education and learning and imbibe the practice of celibacy. In this context, it connotes chastity during the student stage of life for the purposes of engaging the mind in learning without any distraction. In another context, brahmacharya represents a virtuous lifestyle that also includes simple living, meditation and other behaviors. It is the duty of the family as well as that of the school to teach the young boys that only by respecting women, you become human. Catch them young, teach them the art of self discipline, train them to respect the opposite sex as worthy of dignity and esteem.  To quote Santayana: “Our dignity is not in what we do, but in what we understand”

While the article sounds like a homily on manly conduct, it is important to note that women have to share the blame for their present state of unfair treatment, harassment and discrimination at home and in professional places. They have to learn and esteem  the value of their potential , their innate strength and rise up to change their victim status. No point in asking others to change, if change does not come from within. Let them not beg and fight for inclusion; let them set their bar far higher by discovering their potential.  If they want parity, they must show that they are a valued and necessary part of success. It is important to identify the problems facing them, but while that is the first and the most essential part to chart a path towards gaining dignity and self esteem, they have to prove that they are no less than their male counterparts. Let women remember gaining dignity is not by constantly complaining, whining and demanding, but by making their worth centrestage for others to give them dignity. Milan Kundera’s famous quite is worth keeping in mind: “Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo.” Do women  give up aiming for a higher goal or do they defy and conquer vertigo without compromising the goal they  strive for? Their claim to dignity lies in the choice they make.