Note:
"We never laugh at ourselves; We are Indians" has always been the caase with us.
Hence
this article may raise the hackles of many, yet I dare to send it
because there are times when we do need a good hearty laugh
Indian Skill Tricks
PM Modi has been giving
a clarion call for one thing or the other-almost one a week to keep both
himself and his Indian dreams alive in the people’s minds. He has demonstrated how “holding a broom a day keeps the dirt away” ;
he has invited the world to come to India and manufacture with the label “Make
in India”; he has started the Skill
India Movement under the banner of NETAP(National Employability Through
Apprentice Programme) – all these in addition to making clarion calls from AIR to reach out to the rurban population
in the country, from Madison Square to express
his grateful appreciation of the NRIs and PIOs for their contribution to US economy, from Doordarshan
studios to school children who will be his future clientele to exhort them to
aim high as he had done from the chai shop to 7,Race Course Road, from
different platforms to scientists, doctors, soldiers and industrialists exhorting them to delve
into Hindu mythologies and learn about genetics and plastic surgery without
aping the Western inventions. The list is endless and by simply listening to
Modiloquence is enough to make one feel good that “ache din” is around the
corner. One does not have to actually experience “ache din” or a clean India or
“make in India” products by foreign firms, but simply delight in his words that
had earlier promised us the Moon and the Mars before elections and continues to offer hope
post elections. . We have responded admirably to PM’s call for Swachh Bharat
and wielded the broom just for a day on Gandhi Jayanthi and presented ourselves
at the photo-ops that revealed spanking
clean roads as they had already been
cleaned and re-cleaned for the launch of Swachh Bharat. PM’s “Make in India”
invitation with the promise of catapulting India as a major industrial hub is yet
to take off, but we are ready to wait in anticipation of goods labeled “make in
India/Made by Japan, China etc”.
But in my humble
opinion, PM has not taken full cognizance of the inherent genetic quality of We,
the Indians. The real problem is his passionate commitment to skill development
among the youth of India. It seems as though the PM has ignored the indigenous jugaad that can circumvent all
conventional and scientific ways of doing things by innovative methods -uniquely
Indian to create new things with minimum or meager resources. PM has not stopped to wonder how foreign
firms and technology can survive the innovative Indian skills that gives short
shrift to complicated technology based machines. The technological advancement of
the West pales in comparison to our
jugaad contraptions that you see specially on the rural roads. The
erstwhile “phat-phati” ,famous on Delhi roads ( the large contraption of a
motorcycle into a three wheeler that was designed to seat six to eight
passengers in relative dignity, but more often than not crammed with at least
10, and another two - if size permitted - sharing the seat of the driver, who
would deftly manoeuvre
the somewhat ponderous machine down the crowded roads) is a testimony to the engineering genius of the nation. The current e- rickshaws, however
unsteady and unsafe they may be are again another example of Indian innovative
brilliance.
But PM in his hurry to
propose new programmes every day announced skill development programme within
days of becoming the PM. In that tearing hurry, he has given a royal ignore to
our Indian skills-(which in the past had been limited to the Indian rope trick)
by focussing on new skill training as a means to develop the youth force in
India to build the nation and also to make these trained young men and women
the toast of the world by displaying their skill and talent and ability. But we
Indians are already skilled in ways that no one can even imagine, let aside
practice. What we do, we alone can do. Let me list out a few of the many skills
that should have been (but unfortunately not)featured in the Guinness book of
records. Just a look at our Indian roads will give us enough examples of the
wonderful skills that are uniquely Indian.
1. Our Mo-bikers and
our autowallahs are highly skilled in vrooming their two and three wheelers
between a bus and a truck at an amazing speed. While driving in any part of
India, if ypu are not alert to the zoom
on your left, the zoom on your right, the zoom behind and the zoom ahead, you
will land up in a hospital. It is indeed a credit to Indian ears that we still
have a reasonably good auditory faculty despite being subjected to the vrooming
sounds all through the day and also through the major part of the night.
2. The Indian spit
through the middle and index finger without soiling either of the fingers is a
well practiced and consummate art. It hardly matters to the spitters that PM
has given a call for Swachh Bharat, for these gallant heroes while riding on a
bus or even a three wheeler has the knack of colouring red any vehicle or
object that comes near them by this skill of spitting through the fingers.
3. It seems the PM has
not watched our cyclists, who in the midst of heavy traffic, pedal right and left
with no indication of which direction they wish to proceed and at the same time
while on their unsteady bicycles, they open a small pouch of pan masala with the
help of their teeth and empty the contents into their mouth. This skill is not only dare devilish, but it
is done to such perfection that not a mite of that substance is left in the
pouch. The cycle turns zig zag, but he pedals it faster and faster holding the
pan masala pouch deftly between his thumb and middle fingers far above his open mouth.
4. It is a wonder to
watch pedestrians crossing the road as vehicles move fast on the roads. The
speed with which s/he moves makes one’s jaw drop. I recall an incident in US
where I had gone. The six lane traffic on either side was choc-o-block with
high speeding cars. An Indian gentleman whose car was parked on the right
parking lane suddenly zipped from the right lane to the extreme lane on the
left, unmindful of the cars on either side. It was not just a marvel but a
miracle as he zigzagged his way to the other side. He reminded me of the little mouse in our homes
peeking out and disappearing in a flash within the wink of an eye. This daring
skill is typically Indian.
5. The art of littering
the roads while moving, the swerving of cars at a crossing from extreme left to
extreme right and vice versa, the split second hooting from cars lined behind
on the sight of the red light turning amber, the nonchalant way of defecating
on the walls with the face averted, the jaywalking on busy roads are Indian
skills that cannot be duplicated by anyone in the world.
6. The skill of the
vegetable vendor and the kabbadiwallah (one who buys old newspapers) in
short-changing the buyer is a double skill of weighing less and charging
more. The art of holding the balance to
achieve his end is astounding. This is true of many shopkeepers and traders. The
balance is always held in such a way that the pan with weights is always higher
than the pan with the vegetables or newspapers.
7. When it comes to
skills of the literate group, the best example is the bank clerk who does the
entries in the passbooks of the clients. What a skill he displays when none of the
figures is aligned on the debit and
credit columns so that it needs specialized skills on the part of the client to
read them correctly. The incongruous
positioning of figures and words is a highly skilled job of the bank clerks. If
the client questions about it, it is all hell let loose.
8. The petrol bunk
attendants are another class who with a sleight of hand can squeeze you of at
least a litre or two of petrol even when you are staring at the reading. Every
time we fill petrol, we are down by at least 60 rupees in today’s rate of a
litre of petrol.
9.The phenomenon of
Lord Ganesh idol drinking milk in
1995and 1996 was skillfully exploited by the ingenious temple attendants to coax
unsuspecting Hindus to believe in it till such time when scientific explanation
of capillary action disproved it as a miracle.
10. The sudden
sprouting of idols in the late hours of
the evening or nights is yet another
instance of the Indian inventive
mind to raise small platforms and temples overnight to make everyone believe
that the Lord had decided to descend from heaven and make the place a holy
place for him to rest. I have seen the
rise of such sacred spaces on open grounds
with the installation of a statue
that will be immediately labeled “pracheen Hanuman / ganesh” etc (ancient
heritage Hanuman). The ingenuity of the Indian mind can be best seen in the
mushrooming of small temples at different street corners in the cities.
There are many more skills
apart from the ever fertile jugaad constructions that are patently Indian. I am
sure PM will be astounded to see God’s plenty in Indian skills and therefore he
may have to tweak the skills development programme to match the Indian
inventive skills in quotidian practice.
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