A letter that will never be written

Dear Rahul मित्र,

Mera samvedana. We both made theatre of election- sometimes known as the dance of democracy - better than the dishum dishum of the Bollywood.  When you are down in the dumps, I like to cheer you with the Bollywood number

Waqt ne kiya kya haseen sitam
CONGRESS  Na RAHE NA TUM
Hum Rahe hai hum

 Chunav ke takkar mein hum mile
Jis tarah abhi hum lade
kabhi aise hum lade na

tum to haar gaye
 mein to jeet gaye

Ek hi road show par chalke do qauam

 Jana   nahiin kaun jitega
chal pade magar patha nahiin tha

 kaun apna vote kisko dega

Kuch pataa nahiin, hum dono
Dam ba dam bun rahe hain hamara dil khaab
par waqt n kiya haseen tere sitam

Waqt ne kiya haseen mere comedy

Waqt hai 2024 thak tumhare comedy ke liye.

Mera Priya मित्र,

Don’t lose heart. Learn your lesson before the next election- even as  small as the Municpal election of a small town of a small state. I say this because big or small, I have made certain a Congress mukht Bharat. But we are a democratic nation. I have responded to your twitter this morning saying “Long live Indian democracy”. For that democracy to survive, we have to have elections and you have to fight- not for a win, but for a loss.  I know you are brave and young like the innocent lamb and you will jump into the fray after a long introspection and after a holiday in an unknown destination. See there is the difference. I don’t take holidays. (of course Manmohan Singh also never went on a holiday though he has been Maun about it while my worshippers sing paeans of praise about me for not taking a holiday). You take a break after every election, after every parliamentary session as though you have been through undue strain. People love me because when I am also on a foreign jaunt, I disclose where I go and make it an official itinerary. So

Lesson 1. Show you are a Macho and you don’t need holidays and you regard work as worship and work as holiday.

When you come back from an undisclosed place where you were vacationing, the media is all eager to see the emergence of a new energetic transformed Rahul. They never bother when I return because I am always the same- fresh and energetic,. But you ar  unchanged and  look the same with your dimple cheeks and a cherubic smile as though you have been on a visit to the angels. But then you say that you have something to say- that will be like an earthquake against Modi and the media expects Modi to quake in fear. But what you have to say remains unsaid  and no earthquake takes place. You become a laughing stock. You do not know the tricks of the trade. You have not even been schooled in Manmohansingh’s art of governance when every scam was always open for exposure. How can you expect to unearth scams in our set up where not a whisper , not a squeak can be heard anywhere in any place.

Lesson 2: If you do not have the wherewithal to fire, don’t speak about nuclear arsenal with you.

We went on a road show. – you and your new found buddy. Both of you- I really envy you- had youthful boyish looks. You, though sporting a beard with occasional streaks of white to make you look mature. But both of you looked so young, so boyish that no one took you both seriously.  I in my well turned out attire( not suit-boot as you phrase it) was a strong contrast to  you two in Western jeans on a cycle looking like babes  in the wood. People respected me for my 42” chest and preferred a strong Man to two high school bachhas  cycling  as though you are Veeru and Jai in the hit film Sholay. You called me Gabbar Singh, but my priya मित्र, this is real show and not a reel show. Jai and Veeru cannot defeat Gabbar singh in the real world. Again you failed drawing a poor comparison.

Lesson 3: Understand that politics is not tamasha, but hard ground reality.

Your bhashans were all about me. Modi, Modi ,Modi. Did I even once take your name or that of your young dost? I might have referred to dynasty- a nasty word today though many in my party have their sons fielded in these elections. But then I have no family, no pedigree to fall back upon, I am spotlessly clean. I do not have a brother-in-law to smear me. How can you forget all the scams that your party was engaged in even if you personally are scrupulously clean? But my friend Subramanian Swamy has a different opinion and will hearld a new theatre of scam with  you and your Mom as the dramatis personae. I do not say this, only Swamy says it. 

Lesson4: don’t throw stones living in a glass house.

You are always a slow moving person. Even I tend to be silent till I have to speak and when I speak, everyone listens with rapt attention that includes  the British Parliament with the stiff upper lips of the Britishers. But when you  speak, you speak only as a rejoinder to what I speak. People think you have no originality. They like me because I am not a Stephenanian, an Oxonian or aHarardian. I am just  a hard working Tea seller.  Your Chidambaram Manmohan singh, Amartya Sen etc are from Oxford , but what people know who is a Harvardian  or an Oxonian  before a hard ox-like working, strong man like me?

Lesson 5:  It is your work not your degree or pedigree people want.

Gandhi wore a loin cloth to show that he is one of the poor masses of India. He was venerated as the Mahatma. So do I trump my pedigree -a chaiwallah and people revere me for what I was and what I have become. When you try to copy my chai pe charcha, with your cot pe charcha, cots vanished. Do only what you can do on your own without blindly copying me. You did once try eating in a dalit’s house but your act didn’t  prove worth following because we were clever enough to expose it as a photo-op. Remember Dalits are also very smart as they know that such actions only reflect more of condescension than empathy. Lesson 6: Don’t make poverty a peg to hang your hat on.

You befriended Akhilesh because you needed him. The poor chap lost his dad’s support and lost the elections. Do you know the grand old man Polonius’ advice in Hamlet:

Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledged comrade.

 See how I have grappled my friend Amit Shah who has the one goal to make me Shenshah of Bharat. What did you do? Out of the blue you went soliciting a new friend and both of you met your waterloo. So do I pick up my other friends- Obama and now his opposite Trump.  My bear hug of Obama was much more solid than your handshake with Akhilesh. I may not be able to bear hug Trump because his trunk is wide and broad. I will not disclose what I plan to do with Trump. Time will reveal.  Similarly you hugged Prasant Kishore expecting him to offer you victory as he had done to me in the Lok sabha elections. Though imitation is the best form of flattery, it cannot serve you in politics.

 Lesson 9: Follow Polonius ‘s advice and choose friends wisely.

You thought you will use demonitisation to make me out to be a demon eating up poor people’s money. You see the result. I am far too clever for you as I turned the disaster into positive by making people my partner in Operation Corruption. They were my foot soldiers to put up with hardship while I was the shining knight on a white horse chasing the black hoarders.

Lesson 10: Don’t try to tilt at the windmills

 You expected me to apologize for the for the hardship caused by demonetization. I have never apologized in my life not even in Gujaratwhere many lives were lost,  then what to speak of demonetization? You congress fellows apologized profusely for the 1984 riots but no one cared for your apology, however sincere it was. The fact is you did not in the first instance cause the riot and so why did you apologize for a wrong you had not committed?  That is why your apology was looked down as a big fat lie of appeasement.

Lesson 11: Apology is the last refuge of a loser.

 Lastly, my priya  मित्र,

Those days of insistence on rational approach to issues are no longer there. Today only perception and the way narrative is articulated matter. Perception today is Congress means corruption. Narrative is no longer a left but a right narrative. Don’t shed tears for the poor and the downtrodden for in their perception even your genuine tears are glycerin tears. They do not like you to be patronizing and condescending. Condescending attitude pushes people away. This is the new generation. They love me because I talk of development. You talk of their poverty and blame me for their state of affairs. But when they stand in queue to draw their own money, they are not angry with me. Have you found out why they are with me? They want someone who says I decide  and not someone who says I am sorry for your plight. You weakly mew  I cannot do anything for you as Modiji has brought it on you. They are not impressed. They like a decisive person who says what they like to hear and who shows that he is a hero and not a zero. That is what I did when I promised 15 lakhs rupees in each of their account. I know it is not possible. But I know if I speak with conviction, I become credible in their eyes. I don’t bother whether I always utter the truth, but no harm if we tell harmless lies.

 Learn to articulate better. Learn to deliver your address with conviction. Even when you know it is impossible to root out corruption, say you are championing the crusade against corruption

Nothing is lost. You have many more years to mature. Till that time keep learning.

Your priya  मित्र,

Narendra Modi.